Joke - Sholay in IT....

Sholay in IT..............
Gabbar sends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad to collect the license-fee for lootmaar-software which Thakur had downloaded illegaly from the P2P software.

They reach Ramgad start harassing the villagers: "Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software? Last date to kab ka nikal gaya ".
Thakur [with anger]: "Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke software ke liye license ka rakham dena bund kar diya hai."
Kaalia: "Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?"
Thakur: "Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai." Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.
Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: "Ha ha... thakur ne freshers ko liya hai, Ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aaten."
Veeru shouts: "Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain, Kuch bhi kar sakte hain."
Jay hits his keyboard,then says: "jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya ."

AT GABBAR'S DEN...
Gabbar: "Kitne bugs the?"
Kaalia: "Do sarkaar."
Gabbar: "Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga? Naya assignment dega ...aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi... barobar milegi."[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. "Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?"
Sambaa: "Chhey sarkaar."
Gabbar: "Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai ." [logout - logout - logout]. "Haan ab theek hai... ab tera kya hoga" Kaalia?"
Kaalia: "Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha."
Gabbar: "To ab documentation kar! Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha......

To Know about Sholay Click - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073707/





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Jokes - Boy's Will be boys...

BOYS : "These are our rules!" Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments
become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you
sad or angry, we meant the other way.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example,
is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't
want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics
as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!! ...

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Jokes - Motivating Employees.

Howzzat !! For Motivation ?

Click to learn more about employee Motivation: How to Get Your Employees Excited Again




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Jokes - Marriage Is Just A Mirage.

The Joys of Marriage

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You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
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At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other women replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in the U.S.A. The rest are in Canada.
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A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
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Young son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late."
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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
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Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
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First guy: "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.
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For More Such jokes click on : http://www.ahajokes.com/marriage_jokes.html

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Jokes - Thirteen Ways to Crank your wife !

13 --- Ways to make your wife crask out !

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Calif. and mine is in Texas.
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3. I take my wife everywhere.but she keeps finding her way back.
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4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
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5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
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7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
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8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
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9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling " Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"
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10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
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11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
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13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"
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Click on this link for more jokes on marriage. http://www.ahajokes.com/marriage_jokes.html




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Unix - Having Fun With Unix Commands

List of some actual "funny" responses from Unix when you mis-enter "appropriate" commands.

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$ cat "food in cans"
cat: can't open food in cans
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$ nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.
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$ rm God
rm: God nonexistent
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$ art God
ar: God does not exist
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$ ar r God
ar: creating God
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$ make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
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$ sleep computer
bad character
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$ got a light?
No match.
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$ man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.
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$ !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.
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$ drink bottle: cannot open
opener: not found
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Comic - Have Some fun With Mr. George Bush

Hey ! Click On this Cool link below to have some fun with the most powerful man on earth aka Mr president of America .

Click on this Cool Link : http://uk.download.yahoo.com/ne/fu/attachments/buildabetterbush.htm